Tis' The Season

I had a good day today! I enjoy and look forward to going to church to be uplifted and strengthen my testimony. It was fast Sunday today. I am so grateful that we have the opportunity to fast. Life can be overwhelming and confusing sometimes and when we have the chance to fast I am always humbled. I am reminded that we are not here on this earth alone and we are not left to deal with our worries and trials all by ourselves. We have a loving Heavenly Father who we faithfully put our trust in. What a blessing to know that He knows what is best for each one of us and if we simply work with Him, all will be well and right. My heart is full with love for my Heavenly Father. I am so very grateful for the life I have and especially for Jake and our sweet babies!

Today in Relief Society I was asked prepare some answers to some questions about my life and the "season" I am in right now. It seems like when I finish talking in front of others and sit down is when I think of everything I wish I had said. I have thought a lot today about the "season" I am in my life.

Right now I am a young mother of two busy kids. I am a wife that is striving to be the best I can. This season is one full of lots of joy, as well as lots of trials and hardship. I find joy in being a mother. Joy in the fact that I have been able to give birth to two beautiful, healthy, active children. Joy that I have a husband that loves me with all of his heart and works so hard to provide for us. Joy in watching my husband play with our kids. Joy in the laughter that we share as a family. Joy in the simple life we are living right now. Joy in things I get to see Jayla learning each day. Joy in having Tyson's little arms reach out to me and hug me when I get him out of his crib each morning. Joy in each smile that says I love you. I know there is much to be grateful for at this time in my life...but I often find myself feeling discouraged and tired.

 

I find myself wishing I could just sleep one whole night all the way through and one day where I could sleep in past 6:00. I find myself telling my kids they are driving me nuts and that all I want to do is take a shower or go to the bathroom by myself. I find myself being impatient and cranky with the silliest things that really don't matter. I find myself dreading having to fill up another sippy cup. I find myself comparing myself to others and I get down feeling I am not as good as others at who knows what...absolutely nothing that matters. It makes me mad at myself that I let these thoughts and actions take over the time I have to be spending and making happy memories with my kids.

As I have had time to think about this today, I have come to appreciate where I am. I am going to work hard to stop wishing and wanting things to be different, to be easier...because you know what...every single day has it challenges...no matter if you have two little rugrats running around in your house or if they are raised and gone. I am going to try live in the moment each day and enjoy where I am. I may be tired. I may be overwhelmed. I may worry. But I know one thing...I will only live each day of my life one time. I will never get these days back with the family that I have now. Every single day...my kids get another day older and before I know it they will be grown and gone. It is a wonderful time of life and I have much to be grateful for.

I also had to share how my life is different than I had expected it to be at this season in my life. As I thought about it...I took myself back to nearly 10 years ago. Ten years ago I was 16. A very shy high school girl who was focused on school and sports. I never dated anybody seriously in high school...but I did like boys. I can vividly remember thinking one day that I all I wanted to do was someday get married and have a family and whoever that special guy was that decided he wanted to marry me would be one very lucky guy. I would be the perfect wife and he would be so lucky because I would treat him better than any other girl would. I would never make him mad. I would cook him a perfect meal every night. I would take care of him. I would never yell at him. I would never argue or disagree with him. We would have quite the blissful life together!

Well little did I know that three and a half years later I would hear my soon to be husband say that I just made him the happiest man on earth when I told him I wanted to marry him! It did happen. We fell in love and couldn't wait to seal the deal! I am sad to say that marriage is much different than young teenagers see it. It truly is what has brought me the most joy in my life...but it has taken the most work. Work that is worth it. I strive daily to treat him the way he deserves, but I am human and Satan is real. I have made him mad. I have failed to cook dinner on several occasions. I have found myself complaining about doing things for him. I have argued with him. And I have disagreed with him on more than a few occasions.

I can most definitely and confidently say that I do still think he is one lucky man to have me...but even more...I can say that I am one very blessed woman. I am proud to call Jake my husband and I love him with all of my heart. I wish I could say that I have never made him mad...but life happens and just as I struggle to be a good mom some days, I struggle to be a good wife some days. It is a work in progress and as long as I am striving to do things a little better each day that is all that matters. I love you Jake and I pray that you know just how proud I am of you.

I look forward to each season I have to live in my life and the knowledge and experiences I will gain along the way. What a perfect plan our Heavenly Father has set before us. It is my hope that I will be able to live each day with a smile on my face and if nothing else, learn from my mistakes and challenges. I have been sent here to gain a body. To learn and to grow. To be a wife. To be a mother. I am a pretty lucky lady!

Heaven Sent

This is several months overdue...ok maybe 9 months...because that is how old my sweet baby boy is! But...I am not going to just let it go...I am going to write down our sweet Tyson's story. It seems so long ago...but I will write as I remember it all. Jake and I both felt it was time to bring another sweet spirit into our home. It would be perfect...just a little over 2 years between Jayla and another little one. Jake and I wanted to go on a little trip together before I got pregnant though, so we planned a weekend in Denver. We left Jayla with my mom and ended up going to a Rockies game and spent a day at Elitch's! It was nice to just be the two of us. I also needed to get my wisdom teeth removed before life got more hectic and I couldn't be put under...so I took care of that too. Once all of that was done it was probably the middle of August of 2012. It was go time...we were ready to take on another little monkey!!!

We were more than thrilled to find out we were expecting a baby May 22. I felt different during this pregnancy than I did with Jayla. I got a lot more sick and had a hard time eating much of anything for the first 4-5 months. I remember when I was only about 4-5 weeks pregnant, before anybody else knew we were expecting, I passed out in my kitchen while my dad and Clay were visiting after church one day. It scared me. I knew then that I had to focus on taking good care of myself. The months went on and I believe we let the word out when I was about 16 weeks! We were excited and so was everybody else. I truly did have a feeling that we were going to get a little boy this go round...and Jake did too. The three of us went to my first doctor appointment and ultrasound with Jayne at I believe 22 weeks. Sure enough...we were going to have a little boy! We had one excited daddy who was more than anxious to meet his little guy. Jayla was excited too...but really...I don't think she could really imagine what was going on. We talked about it a lot! The pregnancy really went rather quickly...until the last couple weeks! I didn't get very big until that last month or so and then I really got big. He was sticking right out front and it hurt! I was scared I was going to have a ginormous baby and have another rough labor like I did with Jayla. I was ready for this little guy to join us and was anxious to have that unexplainable sweet spirit enter our home!

On May 21st I was determined to get him here. Lisa and I (and of course Bryce and Jayla) spent the day together keeping busy. We went to Alamosa...browsed around the store and got a few things and then headed out to spend the afternoon at Grandma Nancy's. She made us sandwiches for lunch and the little ones had corn dogs and cheetos. We visited...the kids played...fought...and kept us on our toes. We decided we'd put the kids in their strollers and go for a little walk. I remember this day so clearly. We walked probably a mile and a half or so. I remember my feet were killing me because I was wearing some terrible shoes. I was glad to have been able to spend the day out and about...but it sure exhausted me. Jake and I got home at about the same time that day and from there we went together to Kurt and Joan's. We had plans to have dinner with them and Joan was going to rub my feet. It felt so good. We had visited while she massaged my feet and shared some great stories. Jake and Jayla fell asleep in the meantime so I had to go wake them up so we could get home. It was 10:30 and by the time we got home and I settled into bed it was about 11:30. I felt completely normal...not signs or a baby coming...just tired. I didn't sleep for long that night. At 12:30 I woke up feeling weird but got up and drank some water and tried to get back to sleep. I was sure I'd be able to make it until morning when I didn't have to wake up Jayla so I was trying to tell myself it wasn't happening. It's pretty wild that I didn't know what was happening...I had been through it once...but...this was a different pregnancy and a different baby. I made my way out to the couch by myself in the dark with my phone in hand. I didn't want to wake anybody up if it wasn't the real thing. At about 12:45 I tried to call Lisa to see if she thought I was in labor...no answer. I then got the courage to call my mom at 1:00. She answered and I remember telling her that I thought I was in labor but I wasn't sure. My voice was shaky and it was hard for me to talk. I explained to her what I was feeling and then said...but I think I can just wait until morning. She thought I better get going to the hospital so told me to go ahead and bring Jayla by. I woke up Jayla, grabbed the bags, and impatiently waited for everybody to get out the door. It seemed like they were taking forever...poor Jake was still trying to get oriented and Jayla was really confused as to why we were dropping her off at Grandma's. I felt really bad doing that but felt worse about the pain I was in. We made it to the hospital at about 1:30 and I was in a lot of pain. I wanted to get an epidural and that's all I was worried about from the time we left our house. By the time Jayne got to the hospital and checked things out...she was sure I was too far along to get an epidural. I was distraught and scared...because I didn't thing there was any possible way to have a baby without one. It didn't really matter though because at 2:03 our sweet baby boy was with us! He weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz. and 20 inches long. From the second I met him...I have had a bond with him and just know he is here with our family for a special purpose! We love you Tyson and are so blessed to have you in our lives!

One of the greatest things I have witnessed in my lifetime is when I got to see our little Jayla meet her brother for the first time. She wasn't as excited as I thought she'd be but she was happy to finally have a little baby brother to hold and to kiss. She has always been so good and loving to him....right in his face and ready to play!

I knew life would be busy with two kids but I just don't think anybody can prepare a mom/family for that kind of thing. Life just happens and when a new one enters a family...the whole dynamics change...for the good...even though it is hard. I am blessed to be able to be a mom to my Tyson and I thank my Heavenly Father for opportunity I have to raise him...what a blessing he has been to our family! Love ya buddy and I look forward to the years we have ahead!

Oh Nose!

What a day it's been! The day started out pretty calm. Took it easy cleaning up the house with the kids and didn't have any plans for the day...which was nice. At about noon I called Jake to ask a question and he told me he'd be coming home soon. Poor guy ended up with a nasty flu bug. I hate sickness and wish we didn't have to deal with it...but I will say that it at least makes us really appreciate our good health that we do have most of the time. I think he's on the mend though and I am very grateful. I think the kids had it a couple weeks ago and we'll just keep crossing our fingers that I luck out. As the day became night, Jake and I found ourselves busy with some paperwork and the kids were just playing. We thought Jayla was just watching a movie. Suddenly she was crying and saying that her nose hurt really bad. I stopped what I was doing because I knew it was "that" cry that was serious and needed some attention. She said, "It's in there!" What??? What is in there? "One of those"...pointing to the floor. There was an empty pack of tic-tacs and about 10 of them on the floor around her...and oh my goodness...one was jammed clear up her nose. At first, I didn't think there was actually one up there because I couldn't see anything. I laid her down and looked under the light and sure enough I could see the slightest little piece of white. How were we going to get this thing out? She blew and blew and nothing came but more tears from a scared little girl. It took us about 5 minutes...and several blows later before that stinkin' thing came flying out. I had never been so happy to see a tic-tac and our little girl promised she would never ever stick anything up that little nose again. We sure love Jayla! She makes life exciting every single day!